Thanks to the countless “best friends turned lovers” movies—When Harry Met Sally, No Strings Attached, Just Friends—I started dating my best friend (now ex-boyfriend) with complete confidence. I mean, if Jim and Pam from The Office, who began their romance at a paper company for crying out loud, could be soul mates, couldn’t the relationship with my best guy friend work out, too? Nope. Hollywood clearly fooled me; not all relationships that blossom from friendship are destined to work out.
Here’s my story. As a hopeless romantic, I’ve always been a total sucker for any type of love story. I simply adore seeing how a romance, no matter how predicable, turns out. When Jim and Pam from The Office (commonly referred to as “Jam”) got married, I re-watched the scene so many times I even memorized all of the hilarious dance moves from the Chris Brown “Forever” wedding flash mob.
Seeing those type of romances play out can cause you to consider the relationship you have with your best guy friend. You wonder, does he or did he ever have a crush on me? Did he resent my past boyfriend? And, the most important question of all … are we soulmates?
I questioned this notion with the relationship between me and my best guy friend. He (who shall remain nameless) was the first person I turned to when I got my heart broken. We would spend hours talking on the phone, and he even drunkenly confessed his love to me one night. So yes, the signs were all there, but it was the fear of ruining our friendship that caused me to dodge all of his attempts.
Years later, we actually (and finally) did start dating. As I expected, the beginning was all I hoped it would be. We hung out almost every night, listened to music together, and he even opened up to me about his family and past issues. It was like a whole new side of him that I had never experienced before.
But then, the unthinkable happened—he began turning into the type of jerks that he had watched me date before. Instead of being psyched to finally be with me, he would take hours to text back, ditch all of our plans, and even confessed one night that he simply wasn’t feeling it. I’ll admit that I entered the relationship at a pretty rough point in my life (which is a whole other story), but when had our “like the movies” romance taken such a wrong turn?
It was like those classic, climatic scenes in the movies, Friends With Benefits and No Strings Attached—the friends sort of date, and then one person, who is afraid of commitment, begins to get scared and acts totally distant. This doesn’t last long though, like most cheesy Hollywood movies. Soon, the lovers realize they are destined to be together and live happily ever after. Cue that sunset.
But, for my best friend and I, that didn’t happen, partially because life isn’t like the movies (of course), but also because we simply weren’t soulmates. And, you know what? I’m fine with that. Now I’m with someone who wasn’t my best friend before dating; instead, he became my best friend. Through our playful repertoire, countless inside jokes, and deep connection, we simply grew into that role.
So now, when I hear that song “Lucky” by Colbie Caillat and Jason Mraz, which has the famous line, “Lucky I’m in love with my best friend,” I don’t feel the need to question whether my best guy friend and I are secretly soulmates. Instead, I can look to my boyfriend-turned-best friend, smile and sing along.