The saying goes that when a door closes, leave it shut. But, in matters of love, what if that nagging feeling that you just need one more peek to see what you left behind, won’t go away?
This saying applies easily to relationships. When one ends, especially badly, never getting the closure you need can only tug at your mind, filling it with what-ifs: What if he hates me? What could I have done better? What if I try one last time and talk to him?
Closure is important after the ending of any relationship, but the question is: do we really need it?
Some people who are more than pleased to wipe their hands clean of a relationship may say no, but what about the rest of us? What about those who feel as though they need that closure in order to signal that it’s OK to move on?
It’s going to be different for everyone—I personally don’t like leaving a relationship with loose ends or on bad terms, with the person hating and never wanting to speak with me again. It’s animosity that can eat away at a person and make them feel as though things are truly never finished.
So, it’s up to you to decide if you want closure or not, but if you do, here are a few options:
Write a letter, but don’t send it
This is easily one of the best ways to be as honest as you possibly can. It’s a letter where you get to put your heart on the page and, if you drink enough wine, you might actually send it. Just in case, though, have a friend nearby.
Learn to accept that the relationship didn’t work, it’s not your fault and move on
Not all relationships work, accept that. Think for a moment now at your past relationships and you may just have a few that never ended well, but now, with time, you healed. Acceptance is key here; don’t resist the nagging feeling that you need closure, simply accept and trust that you will eventually be OK.
Reach out for contact with the person
Before using this option, be aware and prepared that he or she may not want to hear what you have to say. You can’t go into it with high expectations, so go into the situation, doing it for yourself. If you have to, even block them after sending your message so that you can’t see if they responded or not. Just be happy that you said your peace.